Hey! So transfers happened on Wednesday. Sister R, my new companion, came to the area on Thursday. She is from Brigham City and is very focused on the work. She has had a great amount of success in the year and 3 months she has been out. I needed some one with her drive. Hopefully things will start to pick up around here and we can start getting things done.

Nothing really happened this week, Sister P wanted to see everyone before she left so that is how we spent Monday, and Sunday. . . Tuesday was P-day. Wednesday I was in for exchange. I really like Sister J. I don't think I could be companions with her for a long time but she is a great missionary and is fun to be around. We had an interesting experience. We were tracting before 8 and we were let into a house. The family was very nice and VERY Catholic. While we were there the husband started asking what we were expecting to do there. We started to tell him a little bit and he got very argumentative and everything Sister Johnston said he just shot it down, and everything I tried to say he shot down too. Then I thought of the advice B gave me many times. And I testified to him of Christ. I felt the spirit and I know he felt it too. He stopped arguing with me and Sister J. We left the house shortly after that. Thursday Sister Ream and I got to work in this area. Friday the same thing just preaching the gospel. Saturday was pretty fun and busy.

Anyway, that is about all for the week. Nothing too exciting. Just trying to work hard and serve the Lord. I am excited to speak to everyone on Christmas.

This scripture has been bouncing around in my head for a few days, 2 Nephi 19:6 "Unto us a child is given and he shall be called Wonderful, Counseler, The Mighty God, The Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace." Remember as we go through this season that Christ is the reason for the season. Because he was born he could die and rise again so that we may see God.

Love you!
Sister D

Transfers

So it is transfers this week. I am staying in G F, and my companion is moving. This is a good change and a bad change. I was actually praying for a change, and then President called me and talked to me about what I felt was best for the area, me and the mission. Then he asked me to pray about it. I did and I felt like something needed to change. Sister P and I talked about the talk I had with President, and we decided that it would be for the best if she moved. We called president talked to him. . . this happened a few times. . . we decided we could figure it out, and then President came up with the option and then we found out that evening. I am a little worried about the new companion and taking over the area but I know it will be for my good and I know this is what is supposed to happen.

This week. . . Monday: Pday, Sister P was sick so we didn't go out. . . Nothing big that day. Tuesday: We had district meeting, then we went to a Recent Convert's house had dinner and watched Mountain of the Lord for a lesson, we then met a new Less Active and got to know her and gave her a thought. Wednesday we kept ourselves busy in spite of sickness. We met with a few less actives and a few investigators. I don't think the investigators are going to go anywhere. . . One has a list of concerns that are a mile long and 20 feet deep. She isn't reading the Book of Mormon so she doesn't have a testimony in Joseph Smith. I finally looked at her on Tuesday and said, I can tell you over and over that it is true, but until you study and pray for yourself you won't believe it. The other one, just doesn't seem to have a desire and he won't read either. The only way to know the church is true is to read the Book of Mormon and study it out for yourself with prayer. . . I wish people understood that. Then we got to go with the Youth to their activity. I am loving the families in the Ward. Thursday, Sister P was sick again. . . this time with reactions to the medication she was taking, we stayed inside all day and we had a 3 hour planning session. . . Friday we met with another Less Active (one that we've activated) took it easy, because we were told to, and we went to see another investigator. He is awesome, but not progressing, he won't come to church and we aren't sure he is reading. Hopefully we can help him and get him and his family to find the peace in the gospel soon. Sunday: Church. Then we taught our one progressing investigator, he comes to church every week. We just need to get him reading the Book of Mormon and the scriptures. We watched Testiments, and I know he felt the spirit. . . it was leaking out of his eyes. I am really excited to see what happens with him in the next few weeks. Hopefully we can get a baptisimal commitment.

It's cold

I keep commenting on the cold here and people ask me, "Doesn't it get cold in Utah?" I described it this way, in New York the cold seeps into you and your clothes. In Utah it just sits on top of you. I thought it was a great description of the difference. We have had a couple of rainy days last week and today is matching that, but it is about 10 degrees colder this week than last. . . it seems as if the snow is going to come.
Sister Pr's foot has been hurting the last few days. We had been doing a lot of walking and trying to find people so under doctor's orders we had to stop that last week. . . kind of frustrating because we are having a hard time finding. But, the Lord gives us blessings. One of the first days after her foot we were taking it easy and we decided to just focus on the lessons we had scheduled, by the end of the morning we were pretty booked. . . then one of the Less Actives (who had cancelled on us earlier in the week) had asked us to come over and we could teach her and she would give us pizza. . . I can now say I have eaten New York pizza. . . we got there and we were about to teach her and her brother (who isn't a member came over) so we taught him the first lesson and we found a new investigator. We will be teaching him on Wednesday and maybe things will work out for him.
I also met one of the other investigators, he found the missionaries a few months ago. They have been teaching him and I got to teach him for the first time this week. He was great! And so wonderful. He could be a great member, but his family is pretty important to him and if there is any problems on that end he probably won't get baptized. He said over and over that since he has been studying the gospel his marriage is better, his family is better, and his business is better. I am praying for him to see that if he joined the church everything will be better.
I'm trying to focus on the work and enjoy every moment I am having, and every experience I am having. When I do my study in the morning I spend 30 minutes in the BofM, and 30 minutes in Preach My Gospel. When I study "Preach" I focus on the lessons, because I really need to learn them, and then I focus on another chapter. Right now I am reading the scriptures in the Christlike Attribute chapter. As I was reading about what faith is I was reminded it is a hope for things not seen. Even though I can't see the good I am bringing here I just need to have faith that I am and that I will be able to do bring about good. It seems kind of frustrating at moments but everything will work out the way the Lord wants it too. I am here for a reason and I will serve the Lord and full fill my purpose for being here.

This is Miss D sister Ms B. She asked that I post her litter for you all to read. If you like to leave a comment I will send them her way.
This week has been interesting, I have learned so much about the gospel, teaching, and myself. My district is awesome! There are 7 elders (at least through Wednesday) and 4 sisters. 4 of the elders are going to the same area with my companion Sister S and I. 2 of the elders and 2 of the sisters are going some to A. And one elder is stuck here with medical stuff and finding out today if he gets to leave this week to D. We get along really well I haven't laughed so hard everyday in my life. I've had some oppertuinities to teach other missionaries a few times. . . it always seems so scary to teach then we get in there and trust in the spirit and we are blessed and able to say things that make a difference to our investigators. We actually get to teach a community volenteer on Wednesday. We will teach him a couple of times. That is going to be a lot of fun. Sister S and I are pretty planned for it and we are going to spend some more time planning today. Sunday was amazing! It was really nice we got to walk up to the temple after sacrament and sit around talk, take pictures, write whatever. . . and was such a beautiful day and so worth every minute. Then we had a Fireside on the Atonement and it was what I needed that day. Relief Society was just nice and great, we had a memember of the General Primary Presidency speak and we sang the cute primary song.

Most of what happens around here is sitting in class. We get street contacted as we walk around campus all the time. in other languages. . . Spanish, Portegues, English. It is so neat to walk around and hear all the different languages. Anyway, not much else to tell you about. Things are good. It is tough and a little stressful but I know it will be worth it in the end.

Love Ya! I hope to hear from you soon. A letter might get to me quicker, and I hope I have an email in my inbox next week!

Love,
Sister D

Tomorrow

Tomorrow at this time I will be in Provo at the MTC

Excited. . . yeah.

Scared. . . yeah.

All of these emotions are there and I can't describe it. I know I am doing the right thing. I know every hard time I went through in the last 8 months was leading up to this. I know the mission isn't going to make life better. . . it might actually be harder. I know I will be blessed for going. So, I am going to finish cleaning my room and getting my stuff organized so it is out of the way, pack. Spend sometime with family and get set apart. Wow! So much to do.

Writing

**I wrote this during The Wasatch Range Writing Project. I thought it would be something good to share before I left I hope you enjoy. P.S. All names have been changed.**

Six Words
by Allison

My first three years of teaching have been anything but ideal. With experiences ranging from unsupportive team members who left me on my own one month into my first year, to parents who wanted to sue me in my second year, having the two “hardest” classes to ever go through my school, and changing from the ease and comfort of sixth grade to the scary unknown of third grade for my third year. Every bad experience however, cannot take away the happiness and joy I have felt in many teaching moments. I have learned many life lessons from the sixth and third graders who have been my life the past three years. There are six words that remind me of why I teach and why I continue to go through the unfriendliness of the world of teaching: be nice, surprise party, and Matt Jones.

“Be nice!” Will Adams scolded. I had made some snarky comment about how I was never going to get married and that was Will’s shocking response. I sat back in my chair, looked at him and said, “It doesn’t matter I was talking about myself and not anyone else. I don’t have to be nice to myself.” To this day my words haunt me. How I wish I could take them back. I’ve thought back on this conversation and this moment thinking how much Will had taught me with those two small words. I just threw those great words away without a second thought. I remember within minutes I had changed my attitude. “What am I teaching my class?” I started thinking, “Who will be nice to me, if I can’t be nice to myself?” I realized right then one of the things I could do as a teacher was help my students to “Be nice” to themselves and their classmates. I also realized my students weren’t the only ones who were supposed to be learning and growing.

“SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MISS. D!” I heard after the lights turned on by themselves. Looking into the face of Tom’s dad, I screamed. Most of my class and some parents were there celebrating my 27th birthday. I looked around and saw the decorations, balloons, hearts, and signs. On the table were buckets of vanilla ice cream, bananas and all the toppings for 8 a.m. banana splits. “Good thing it is Valentine’s Dance today.” I thought to myself realizing nothing would be accomplished all day. The students were walking around the room talking, making cards, and waiting for the banana splits. “Wait!” I continue thinking, “I thought you all hated me. And here you are throwing me a surprise party?!?” From this great group I learned forgiveness. This surprise party taught me that the majority of sixth graders still think their teachers are okay. I also realized I needed to focus on the positive, what I am able to do, and the students I could teach. Rather than focusing on the negative, what I couldn’t do, and the students who were refusing to be taught.

Matt Jones started his third grade year driving me crazy. He was one of the many boys in my class who had a hard time sitting still for more than a minute. One day a bug had entered the classroom and Matt was down on his hands and knees protecting the bug and by extension disrupting the class. By February I had made a change in my discipline plan and started focusing on the positives. Little did I know this would make all the difference for Matt. I watched as he went from being the squirmy, constantly moving, and talking little boy. To a boy who listened, tried to sit in his seat, and drew me many amazing pictures. Matt improved so much I chose him to be Student of the Month in April. I didn’t make this decision lightly, and I made sure my class knew why I picked him, “I know Matt has made some mistakes and is still not perfect, but he has improved so much in the last few months, I picked him.” When Matt’s name was called by Mr. Smith, to get his certificate and backpack, I couldn’t have been prouder. But, the moment that really sticks in my mind was watching Matt during class time later that day. Matt pulled his certificate out of his new backpack, then out of the sheet protector, looked at it, looked at the other certificate from TGI Fridays, put them back in the sheet protector, and then back in his bag. I knew a difference had been made in his life. At a time when I was questioning why I was a teacher watching Matt helped me realize there is nothing more I want to do in my life than teach.

Six words equaling to three lessons that only make up a small amount of lessons I learned in my first three years of teaching. I’m sure there will be many more learned by my students and myself. They may start with words I can add to my list, or they may sneak up on me quietly and wordlessly. No matter how the lessons approach, I know the effort will be worth it.

Thoughts

My sister mentioned that lately all my posts seem sad. I would have to agree. I am at a huge crossroad in my life. The life I wish I had isn't what I have. The life I have doesn't feel like it is going to start anytime soon. (I KNOW October 6th is just 34 days away. 5 Sundays.) I guess I feel kind of lost. And if I was willing to get my one paper finished I think things would be better because I could feel like it was time to go shopping. As of today I am 6 pages closer, just so you know. But, I do have to say I am getting more and more excited as the time moves on. I am ready for a change. And it is going to happen soon. I can't wait until I get to the MTC and until I get out of the MTC and go to Utica.
Besides getting most of my paper finished I missed the classroom bad today. I miss the kids, the other teachers, the office/support staff, my principal. I miss teaching and seeing the lights come on in those cute little faces. I know I will see a different type of light come on in other faces. And I will be teaching something different. But, I still miss my old life. However I keep thinking and reminding myself, I have 27 years to teach when I get back. I can miss 2 years for the Lord.

King of Anything

I have fallen in LOVE with this song. I think it is because I am having one of those times when I am being told by everyone what I should be doing. That and it is quite catchy if I say so myself.

Sad Day

I just posted my car for sell. Hardest thing I'll have to do before I leave on my mission.

Good Things To Come

I just saw this on another blog today, and I thought, "I LOVE that. Why didn't I post it on my blog?" So I am going to do it now. It is exactly how I have felt in the last 3 months.

Things To Think About

Today, I went to Ogden to talk to some of my institute teachers. I needed to tell them about my mission. As I was talking to one of them we were talking about my fears I have and the things I am thinking about with this whole mission thing. I mentioned I am 28, I really shouldn't be doing this. Then he asked me about what I could say that will help me with those thoughts. I mentioned it is ok. I can go forever if I would like. Then he said, "That is policy. What else could you say?" And I thought about the initial conversation I had with my old bishop and what he told me. Basically, because I am 28, I have lived on my own and I have done things on my own I will be a huge help to my mission president in helping those girls adjust to life. As I was talking to him about this stuff I started getting excited again. I forget where my focus should be. And I keep wishing I could be in the classroom. Then I have moments like this where I remember where I am going is more important. I have to remember the Lord is going to bless me. He knows what he is doing. I just need to trust that.

One last thing, this same instructor asked me about my poem writing. I haven't thought about writing a poem in a long time. I have done some poems with my class but I haven't just sat down to write my own. I think I may have to dust off that talent and try.

Weather

Yesterday I got up (late as usual) and I noticed that the sky outside was gray and I thought, "Wow! That is exactly how I feel. Nice of the weather to match how I feel inside." I got ready for my day, headed out to have my eye exam. I was dressed and ready to go to the temple for when I was finished. As I was getting in my car, out of my car, back in my car, and back out of my car it was down pouring every step of the way. I noticed as I reached the temple that the sky to the west was blue. I knew that meant the weather was going to get better. The funny thing was I was feeling like the mood the sky was giving off, a little gray and rainy, but things were starting to get blue and sunshiny. I got in the temple and started changing and I just felt a stillness I haven't felt in a while. It was oddly quiet in there, even for the temple. I had just missed the 1:30 session, but it was ok. I sat in the chapel and thought about my talk. I noticed the change in the sky outside as well as the change in my feelings inside. It was getting better. By the time I left the temple there was no sign in the weather that it had rained. I felt better than I have in a few days, and so I have made a goal that from now until October 6th I will go to the temple at least once a week so I can feel sunshiny everyday. The other thing I have decided is I need to stop focusing on what I wish to be doing and what I will be doing when I get home. I need to focus on what I am doing. That is the only important thing in my life right now.

I just need to remember

"I believe everything happens for a reason! People change so you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so that you will eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes, good things fall apart, so better things can fall together." Marilyn Monroe

Good things do fall apart. And there has to be something better falling together. I should be getting ready for year four. But, instead I am getting ready to live in New York for 18 months. (I just realized I will be living in New York. That is so not me.) I still would like to rewind the last two years so I could try to fix everything. Maybe it is that whole it seems what I want is better than what I am getting. When in reality, I look back and in my teaching life the only thing going for me was. . . teaching. But, I also look at the last three months of my life and it feels like nothing is going for me. All I have been doing is waiting. Waiting to finish paperwork, waiting to receive my call, waiting to leave in October. I believe I will be blessed in the long run for serving a mission. It is just so hard to remember to have that faith when I see/hear all the reminders that school is starting soon. And then I am faced with the whole uncertainty of what I will be doing for 18 months. Teaching is safe. Teaching is comfortable. Being a missionary scares me. I just need to keep praying that everything will workout the way the Lord wants it too. And get rid of the feeling that I am just running away. Because I am not. I am trying to become someone better than I ever could on my own.

More About My Mission

Okay, in the last few hours I have found out more about the area I will be serving. I figured Palmyra wouldn't be in my mission. . . I was hoping Fayette would be, but no. I am still okay with it. These two areas are actually pretty close to my mission and I am hoping I will be able to go to them. The mission in area is pretty big. It goes from Lake Ontario and Finger Lakes area on the west, Vermont on the east. The northern border is Canada, and the New York, New York North mission makes the South. There is a little bit of Vermont in the mission and a little of Pennsylvania. Falls are gorgeous, winters cold, summers humid.
I am so excited, and I cannot wait. October 6th is going to be a long time, only because I don't have much to do in my life. I know it is going to get busy and quickly. I will post more as things get moving and I know more.

Mission Call

Okay, it came. Yes, finally after waiting for one month I got my call. I was told on Sunday it was mailed on Wednesday. Knowing the reliability of US mail I realized it should have come on Saturday, which it hadn't. So, that meant it would come Monday, it didn't. It didn't come Tuesday either. Today at 11 o'clock the call came. My mom was home and I opened it. However, I also opened it again for all my family and friends later today. I am going to the New York Utica mission. I report to the MTC on October 6th. This mission is in upstate New York. I wanted to be at a visitors center. However, this is close enough. I will be in the center of the beginnings of the church. I will also be in New England in the Fall. I am so excited! I am excited to see this beautiful area again. I am also excited to be serving the Lord and teaching in a different capacity then I ever thought I would. I know it isn't going to be easy, and let's face it everything about what is going on hasn't been easy. But, I know I will be blessed because I was willing to do this for the Lord when it really isn't what I thought I would be doing with my time.
“Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace. Whoever will lose his life in the service of God will find eternal life” (The Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson [1988], 361).

What I Wish I Was Doing

This is the time of year I start to get excited about everything. I start to look at regular items in a new light. I begin thinking, How can I use this in my classroom? But, this year is different. This year I won't be heading back into the classroom in August. I don't have any need for the catalogs, teacher stores, and the hours I spend shopping. And I don't like it. I really do feel like going on a mission is what I should be doing. Doesn't mean it is my first choice. I prayed for months to keep my job and when that didn't work out I prayed for months to find a new job. And when that fell through only then did I realize what I should be doing. And that stalling and hoping that things would workout the way I want it to pushed back my end of the paper work. I think I have been fighting this for a long time. Hoping that the Lord would change his mind and allow me to do what I want to do. I'm even begging that my time-line of when I need to get home (to find a new job) will be fulfilled. I keep wondering how much of what I want will be taken into consideration by the Lord for when I finally get assigned a call. (Oh yeah, did I forget to tell you, the papers are in but July is vacation time and calls aren't issued for a while.) I've decided he might consider it, laugh and then assign me for where and when he really wants me to go.
To top things off, one of the 6th grade teachers in my old school is leaving. She has decided to stop teaching. I am looking back. Thinking my life was so great, and I had to leave it. Wouldn't it be nice if the district said my principal could hire me back. I would be happy again. I would be so willing to take that path in a heartbeat. But, I know better. I know I am not supposed to be there anymore. I know Ogden isn't the place the Lord wants me. If it was, I would still be teaching 3rd grade. I would still be at my old school. And I wouldn't be here, waiting for The Brethren to come home from their vacations, just so I could get my mission call.
I wish I was getting ready for a new school year. I wish there wasn't uncertainty in my life. I wish I didn't have to sell my car or worry about my student loans, and my phone. Ok. That is enough. Because wishing isn't going to get me anywhere. I'm going to look forward.

What Do You Do in the Summer Time?

This summer has been kind of interesting. I cleaned out my classroom. Turned in my keys. Went to a writing class (which I LOVED). Sent my mission papers in.
Went to Core Academy and got pattern blocks, and made this:

And this:

This:

This:

And This:

This:

This one:

This:

This:

And a few more but these are my favorites.
When I get my call, I will let you all know where I am going. If you want to make guesses go ahead, just so you know there are somewhere around 370 missions. That is a lot of places to try and guess from.

My Side is Finished and Other Random Thoughts

My side of the paperwork is finished. And now, it is time for me to wait. Wait for the bishop, stake president etc. But apparently I am really doing this.

Now off to another topic. Last week and this week I have been busily acting like nothing is different. And I will be teaching next year. I will have spent a total of 59 hours in a classroom. Learning and getting new ideas for teaching. The one I went to last week was non-grade specific and all about writing, and it gave me an outlet. The one I am at this week is one of my favorite things the state does, CORE Academy. The problem, it is grade specific and I am bored. I love 3rd grade, but there are science and math cores that I love more. . . can you guess. I miss the higher order thinking in 6th grade, and the in depth study of science topics. I REALLY miss it. If I would have been smart enough I would have asked if I could change grade levels. . . but I wasn't. Oh well, if nothing else it will show that I have an interest in increasing my knowledge about ways to teach.

I cried today. The first time in about 3 weeks I have cried about my job. I was talking to a good friend of mine, who went through school with me, and my job situation came up again. A newer friend of mine was there and she just had to mention that her sister was non-renewed and "It has never been the same for her." I just have to remember the Lord is on my side. That I am really trying to do His will. I will be blessed for going on a mission. And Satan wants me to be discouraged so I give up all together. I also have to remember I am not the only teacher in the state of Utah to loose their job.

Last of all. . . President Uchtdorf. I have fallen in LOVE with his Priesthood talk from April Conference. If you haven't read it I strongly suggest you do. I was listening to it on my long drive home and I fell in love again. To finish off my ramblings here are some gems from this talk:
"Patience means accepting that which cannot be changed and facing it with courage, grace, and faith. It means being 'willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon [us], even as a child doth submit to his father.' . . .if we wait patiently for the Lord, He will incline unto us. He will hear our cries."

"Every one of us is called to wait in our own way. We wait for answers to prayers. We wait for things which at the time may appear so right and so good to us that we can’t possibly imagine why Heavenly Father would delay the answer. . . The answer didn’t come immediately. But eventually I learned that God’s promises are not always fulfilled as quickly as or in the way we might hope; they come according to His timing and in His ways."

"Never give up on anyone. And that includes not giving up on yourself."

When Your Older. . .

There is a Fray song that I love called Trust Me. I used the lyrics for a Wordle that is on the right sidebar. This song has a line that repeats as it fades out-- "When your older you might understand." I was thinking about that line and what it means in my life right now. When I'm older I might understand: why I lost my job, why I'm not supposed to teach right now, why I am going on a mission. I don't think I am ever supposed to fully know and understand what is going on in my life and where it is going.
I am going on a mission. My papers should be completed by the end of the week. I should be getting my call sometime in July. This was a hard decision for me to make. I know it is the best one but it was hard nonetheless. And as my options for getting a new job decressed, I just felt as if I was led into this. I'm 28. I think that is what I am having the hardest time with. I know it is perfectly acceptable for a 28 year old girl to go on a mission. But, I still feel I am old. I have looked back on what has happened the last two months and I can see the Lord's hand in it. This is where he wants me. This is what he feels is best for me. And honestly, I wouldn't have done it if he just whispered, "Go on a mission." I needed to be pushed into something I never thought I would get the opportunity to do once I started my teaching career. So, I am just going to trust him. And when I am Older I might understand.

The Lord is My Light!

Life has taken a very interesting turn for me. Nothing is going the way I thought it would 9 months ago. I was full of hope, worry, joy, and love for my job and what was going on. I felt that I could do anything, so I decided I was going to start on my masters degree. I wanted to finish it quickly so I took two classes. I had an observation with my principal in January, after which I was told either I fix some areas or there wouldn't be a place for me at my school next year. I worked really hard for two and a half months. I think from the beginning I knew what was going to happen. It was too late. The damage had been done. Three weeks ago I was told my contract would not be renewed for next year. I've spent a lot of tears on this. So many that my principal actually told me not to cry anymore. I've been stressed, worried and unsure about what to do next. I still am not sure what is going to happen. I could be moving somewhere in Utah. I could be moving to a different state. I thought about giving up on the profession, decided it wasn't what I wanted. I also thought about teaching out of the country, until I looked up the requirements to teach somewhere else and realized that wasn't worth it. Or I could be going on a mission. This is really starting to become a Good, Better, Best decision.
I have thought for three weeks about posting this and talking about it, but I needed to come to terms with it. I am heartbroken. I LOVE my school, team, and kids. I was looking forward to seeing my students next year and being able to say hi to them everyday. But, I know the Lord has a plan for me. That he has many blessings in store if I am faithful. I am trying to match my will to His right now. My mentor came into my room last week and we were talking about everything and she told me, "I always come in here expecting to leave sad. But, it hasn't been that way." I think it is the fact that I know my Father in Heaven loves me and that he really does know what is best for me in my life right now. It isn't always what I want but I know He has a plan for me. I know that everything is going to workout. That He is going to help me move forward. That in His strength I can do anything. What glorious truths the gospel brings! The Lord is my light! He will guide me through all of this and through the decisions I have to make. But, I could still use your prayers and faith that I'll be able to make the decisions and act on them.

Laughter is the Best Medicine!

My class was playing heads-up, seven-up. I have a few kids who like to hide their faces while playing in order to "hide" who they touched. I was trying to get them to stop. . . the following conversation ensued:
Miss. D: A, I can't see your face!
(Another student stands up in my line of sight. A removes his hands from his face.)
A: Of course not! L is in the way!
(L sits down. A has his hands on his face again.)
Miss. D: A, I really can't see your face this time.
(Looking through his fingers)
A: But I can see yours!

I just had to laugh. Oh, the bright moments during rough times! I LOVE MY CLASS!

Twist and Turns

Sometimes life seems to be headed straight. Everything seems perfect and wonderful and you feel like you could keep going in that direction forever. That is how I thought my life was. Everything was going perfectly fine. I was teaching at a great school with a great team, a wonderful principal, good friends, and plans. Then the curve started. I can't really tell you what happened, at least not yet, and what is happening next. All I know is God has a different plan for me, at least for a while. Someday I hope to get to experience this whole life is the way I want when I want it to be that way, again. But now isn't the time.

By the way. . . anyone want a 2009 Toyota Corolla Sport? I'll take care of the recalls.

Austen, Conference and Other Thoughts

I'm Austen crazed. Again. Actually I was just thinking when did it ever stop? Never. I have fallen in love with the new BBC version of Emma. I have watched it everyday since my break started on Thursday. I will admit my watching of movies is doing something else while watching, but I have listened to it over and over again. Watching every minute Knightley is on the scene. I will admit right now. I want a Knightley in my life. My best friend who loves me no matter what, who will tell me when I am being foolish and help me feel better when I am sad. But, that isn't in God's plan for me right now. I just have to keep moving forward. Praying, trying my hardest to submit my will to His, and working on those things He feels is what I need in my life. Then, eventually, Knightley will come into my life and all have a whole new set of problems to deal with. For now I will just have to live through the Austen novels/movies that I have fallen in love with and have read forever.

Now on to Conference. I love this weekend. I love the feeling of peace, that often causes sleep. I love the talks. I love the answers. I love everything about sitting and listening to the prophets speak. How lucky we are! To have the will of the Lord given to us by His mouthpiece every 6 months. I had some questions that needed answering. And answered they were! Through out life's trials I need to remember how much my Heavenly Father loves me. One quote that I ALMOST missed and then my brain went, "WRITE THAT DOWN!" Was the answer. The comfort. The one thing I needed right now. It was, "A little pain now will protect you from greater pain later." -- James. B. Maratino. I thought about all the little pains I am having in my life right now. Feelings of failure in teaching and in being a student. Wondering if my life is going where it needs to go. Then I thought about this quote again and again and I realized that even though I have these little pains. In the long run it is what the Lord wants for me. It is His will, and it will protect me. Does it mean that everything will go exactly as I want it too? Absolutely not. But as long as I allow Heavenly Father to be at the helm in my life then I have nothing to fear.

Last other thoughts. There is a girl's choice dance coming up at the institute. Most of my friends are going and they want me to go too. Little do they now I lost all pleasure in dances 7 years ago. I don't want to take the time to find a date, to dress up. Actually, while it would be nice to go on a date I don't really feel a strong desire to. I took this question with me to conference about wanting to date and if it really is important. Needless to say the answer came in all the talks about family, and how important it is to teach your children. etc. Yeah, so dating is important. But I don't want to. Or maybe it comes to I lack in skills to get a date. But, it also is I just don't have the desire. I've felt this way before and I have gotten counsel on the fact I need to date. I guess the question I am posing for everyone out there is: How can a girl, who feels it is the boys responsibility to ask, get a date? Or even better get the motivation to flirt/date? Let me know what you think. Oh, and I am not going to the dance.

The Power of the Positive

I think a lot of people are too negative in this world. I think I am one of them. I am starting to learn how powerful kind word, a smile, a positive thought can be. I know I am 28. I should know this. . . but I am the first to admit being positive was never my thing. I went through high school depressed, and quite a bit of college too. I was fortunate enough 6 years ago to live with 2 of the most positive people I know. I know they had their bad days. I know they had days where being positive wasn't going to happen. But I know overall they were happy and being around them changed my outlook too. Over the last 6 years I have started to get this change. In the last 2 months I have realized how much it affects everything. I have been trying to raise my positive ratio in my classroom. As I have been doing this I have noticed a major change in behavior in the room. I have seen kids who I have struggled with all year SHINE! I have seen my classroom behavior SOAR! This morning I was at school at my normal time, but due to some circumstances I walked into my room after the bell had rung. My SmartBoard wasn't up. I wasn't in there. But I came into a room of 25 kids, ALL of them on time, with their notebooks out, working or at least starting to work, some were talking, but they were ALL sitting. I made sure I POURED the positives on them, in hopes that tomorrow it will work the same. In hopes that in two weeks it will be the same. I have noticed happier kids in the classroom. I have noticed a happier teacher. I really noticed this last night as I was talking to some of my friends and I knew I couldn't stop smiling. I noticed it this morning when I was getting some paper out of the workroom and ran into my principal and I just smiled and said, "I HAVE THE BEST CLASS!" Then his shocked look on his face. Being positive has made all the difference. I know this. I feel this. While it would have been great to figure it out when my roommates tried to teach me I am so happy I figured it out now at 28 instead of 40 years from now when it would be harder to change my character.

The Crazy Month is OVER!

Okay, so I am happy to have this month over. This month has had so many ups and downs I don't know what to think.
Some of it I can't tell you, but I will tell you I am moving through it and I will be a better person because of it. I am trying to rely more on My Heavenly Father and His Son. This I feel is the only way I can make it through the trials I am having in my life.
I'm now officially moved into my mom's house. I really have had a lot of mixed feeling about this. I know it is where I need to be and I know that it is what needs to happen. I am starting to see a possible reason for why, but I am sure that isn't the only reason. I know that things will work out as long as I have faith in the Lord.

Last of all. My birthday. I've been waiting for my sister to post about it, and it hasn't happened. If you don't know, my niece has the same birthday as me. She turned 2, and I turned 28. We went to Hardware Ranch to see the elk for the day. As we were walking down to get on the sled I was walking with her and I started to train her to know it is my birthday as well as her's. I got this conversation started with her (it took training, but it was really cute)
M: "Is it your birthday?"
K: "YES!"
M: "Is it my birthday?"
K: "YES!"
M: "Is it Mama's birthday?"
K: "No, not Mama's birthday."
M: "Is it Daddy's birthday?"
K: "No, not Daddy's birthday."
M: "Is it Parker's birthday?"
K: "No, not Parker's birthday."

I got her doing that the whole day. My favorite part, was giving her a hug and saying Happy Birthday. Then she said it back! I was so excited. I may have to train her again. But, someday she will never forget.

Basically, the month is over. I am looking forward to March and getting through everything.

One Month

I have made a decision that I am not too happy with but I know it is the best. I am moving back home. 20 minutes away from every other aspect of my life. But about 3/4 cheaper than where I am living now. I'm so grateful to my mom and her willingness to let me sleep in her house. . . because, honestly, that is about all I will be doing. But, I am going to miss being in the center of everything, at least the center of my life. I have to keep reminding myself, it is temporary. Hopefully, I will be back to the center in June.
I still have one month to get used to the idea, I have one month to pack up five years of my life. I have one month to get used to the fact I will be driving 20 minutes to get to work everyday. I have one month to remember it is all for the best. I have one month to decide what is necessary for me to unpack. One month to let my roommate know all the stuff I bought when I moved in is going with me. One month, and I will be 28 and living with my mom. I thought this January was hard. . . February is going to be hard but for VERY different reasons.

You've Got To Be Kidding Me!

So this may be long. . . but I think the whole situation is actually kind of funny/ flattering. It has nothing to do with dating, so don't get your hopes up.
Background information is needed: I am in the 3rd year of teaching. That means I go from a level 1 license to a level 2. I go from provisional to I guess you could call it tenured (I don't know if that is really the right way to say it.) I have to have a mentor come into my classroom on a very regular basis. My first year every week, second year every other week, and third year once a month. Along with the mentor coming in I also have to have 2 observations a year, pass the Praxis test, and make a portfolio, pay a whole lot of money, have my fingerprints and background check done again.
What I have done, my mentor has been coming in. I have had 5 out of 6 observations with my 6th one scheduled for the end of the month. I passed the Praxis PLT with flying colors. I just need to get my portfolio finished, fingerprints, background check and pay a whole lot of money.
I can't really fork over the money until everything else is good to go. So, I am working on my portfolio.
In November I had started an electronic portfolio. I really want to get this right so in December I had my mentor look it over. She thought it was great. OK, good. I can do this. (All I had done was make a folder labeled Portfolio, then I put folders for my artifacts. It was pretty simple and basic.) She then told HR what I was doing. Now the HR director is interested and wants to see it. I emailed him yesterday and let him know I was willing to let him look at it. When he emailed me back he kind of hinted that he was expecting my portfolio to be a PowerPoint. Instead of planning for my day tomorrow I spent the whole afternoon (2 hours) putting the portfolio in a PowerPoint. (Actually, I am more excited about it now than I was before.) I figured since I was getting that all prepared, I might as well just finish the whole thing. I am only missing a few artifacts that HR will have taken out if they end up showing all the 1st,2nd,and 3rd year teachers. . . Oh wait, did I forget to tell you something. . . Yes, HR has some workshops for EYE (Entry Year Experience) teachers, and the next one is about portfolios. They may take a few moments and share with the other teachers in the district that electronic portfolios are a good choice, and use mine as an example.
I'm not sure right now what the verdict will be. I am sure HR will tell me by tomorrow. I'm also not sure what part I will play in all of this. I'm finding this a little flattering that this would be such a big deal. I'll keep you updated.

Some Thoughts on Teaching and Life in General.

Over my break I read Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen, again. I found this quote, and I realized how true it is to my life as a teacher.

"You think me foolish to call instruction a torment, but if you had been as much used as myself to hear poor little children first learning their letters and then learning to spell, if you had ever seen how stupid they can be for a whole morning together, and how tired my poor mother is at the end of it, as I am in the habit of seeing almost every day of my life at home, you would allow that to 'torment' and to 'instruct' might sometimes be used as synonimous words."
--Catherine Morland

Sometimes we make instruction, torment. It isn't just a torment for the students though. I have found moments of torment while teaching and waiting for students to answer a question or to become lively. What can I do to make it less of a torment? I have no idea. I just have to think about it and stop tormenting my students and instruct them.

Now Life. December came and went too quickly. I really have no idea where the time went. I taught every weekday until the 22nd. Then I went to my mom's on the 23rd and spent the whole weekend at her house. I LOVED seeing my family. Everyone was there on the 26th. My favorite part of the day was sitting up with my two nephews (aged 18 and 17) and talking about life. It was just fun. I don't get to do that very often.

Anyway, the old year left with a party and just watching movies with a friend. Then the new year came in with a mouse in my ceiling. I also poked a hole with my finger in that ceiling. I had a make shift patch and I didn't sleep for 3 days. (Part of that was due to the fact that I was the only one home for 2 of those days.) Also, the unavoidable was approaching. I was getting ready to go back to school. Not only teaching school, but learning school. I started my MEd (Masters of Education) yesterday. Right now, I LOVE one class, and will tolerate the other. It is going to be an interesting ride the next few years. I am excited to do this.

Here is the best story of them all. Somehow in my class today we were talking about my birthday and how old I am. The conversation went something like this:
G: How old are you Miss. Duncan
MD: 27 I'll be 28 on my birthday.
M: You're 27! And NO guy had EVER proposed to you?
MD: I know. That is really sad isn't it?

I better get working on that proposal. Heaven forbid I reach 29 and never be proposed to!