I just need to remember

"I believe everything happens for a reason! People change so you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so that you will eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes, good things fall apart, so better things can fall together." Marilyn Monroe

Good things do fall apart. And there has to be something better falling together. I should be getting ready for year four. But, instead I am getting ready to live in New York for 18 months. (I just realized I will be living in New York. That is so not me.) I still would like to rewind the last two years so I could try to fix everything. Maybe it is that whole it seems what I want is better than what I am getting. When in reality, I look back and in my teaching life the only thing going for me was. . . teaching. But, I also look at the last three months of my life and it feels like nothing is going for me. All I have been doing is waiting. Waiting to finish paperwork, waiting to receive my call, waiting to leave in October. I believe I will be blessed in the long run for serving a mission. It is just so hard to remember to have that faith when I see/hear all the reminders that school is starting soon. And then I am faced with the whole uncertainty of what I will be doing for 18 months. Teaching is safe. Teaching is comfortable. Being a missionary scares me. I just need to keep praying that everything will workout the way the Lord wants it too. And get rid of the feeling that I am just running away. Because I am not. I am trying to become someone better than I ever could on my own.

More About My Mission

Okay, in the last few hours I have found out more about the area I will be serving. I figured Palmyra wouldn't be in my mission. . . I was hoping Fayette would be, but no. I am still okay with it. These two areas are actually pretty close to my mission and I am hoping I will be able to go to them. The mission in area is pretty big. It goes from Lake Ontario and Finger Lakes area on the west, Vermont on the east. The northern border is Canada, and the New York, New York North mission makes the South. There is a little bit of Vermont in the mission and a little of Pennsylvania. Falls are gorgeous, winters cold, summers humid.
I am so excited, and I cannot wait. October 6th is going to be a long time, only because I don't have much to do in my life. I know it is going to get busy and quickly. I will post more as things get moving and I know more.

Mission Call

Okay, it came. Yes, finally after waiting for one month I got my call. I was told on Sunday it was mailed on Wednesday. Knowing the reliability of US mail I realized it should have come on Saturday, which it hadn't. So, that meant it would come Monday, it didn't. It didn't come Tuesday either. Today at 11 o'clock the call came. My mom was home and I opened it. However, I also opened it again for all my family and friends later today. I am going to the New York Utica mission. I report to the MTC on October 6th. This mission is in upstate New York. I wanted to be at a visitors center. However, this is close enough. I will be in the center of the beginnings of the church. I will also be in New England in the Fall. I am so excited! I am excited to see this beautiful area again. I am also excited to be serving the Lord and teaching in a different capacity then I ever thought I would. I know it isn't going to be easy, and let's face it everything about what is going on hasn't been easy. But, I know I will be blessed because I was willing to do this for the Lord when it really isn't what I thought I would be doing with my time.
“Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace. Whoever will lose his life in the service of God will find eternal life” (The Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson [1988], 361).

What I Wish I Was Doing

This is the time of year I start to get excited about everything. I start to look at regular items in a new light. I begin thinking, How can I use this in my classroom? But, this year is different. This year I won't be heading back into the classroom in August. I don't have any need for the catalogs, teacher stores, and the hours I spend shopping. And I don't like it. I really do feel like going on a mission is what I should be doing. Doesn't mean it is my first choice. I prayed for months to keep my job and when that didn't work out I prayed for months to find a new job. And when that fell through only then did I realize what I should be doing. And that stalling and hoping that things would workout the way I want it to pushed back my end of the paper work. I think I have been fighting this for a long time. Hoping that the Lord would change his mind and allow me to do what I want to do. I'm even begging that my time-line of when I need to get home (to find a new job) will be fulfilled. I keep wondering how much of what I want will be taken into consideration by the Lord for when I finally get assigned a call. (Oh yeah, did I forget to tell you, the papers are in but July is vacation time and calls aren't issued for a while.) I've decided he might consider it, laugh and then assign me for where and when he really wants me to go.
To top things off, one of the 6th grade teachers in my old school is leaving. She has decided to stop teaching. I am looking back. Thinking my life was so great, and I had to leave it. Wouldn't it be nice if the district said my principal could hire me back. I would be happy again. I would be so willing to take that path in a heartbeat. But, I know better. I know I am not supposed to be there anymore. I know Ogden isn't the place the Lord wants me. If it was, I would still be teaching 3rd grade. I would still be at my old school. And I wouldn't be here, waiting for The Brethren to come home from their vacations, just so I could get my mission call.
I wish I was getting ready for a new school year. I wish there wasn't uncertainty in my life. I wish I didn't have to sell my car or worry about my student loans, and my phone. Ok. That is enough. Because wishing isn't going to get me anywhere. I'm going to look forward.

What Do You Do in the Summer Time?

This summer has been kind of interesting. I cleaned out my classroom. Turned in my keys. Went to a writing class (which I LOVED). Sent my mission papers in.
Went to Core Academy and got pattern blocks, and made this:

And this:

This:

This:

And This:

This:

This one:

This:

This:

And a few more but these are my favorites.
When I get my call, I will let you all know where I am going. If you want to make guesses go ahead, just so you know there are somewhere around 370 missions. That is a lot of places to try and guess from.

My Side is Finished and Other Random Thoughts

My side of the paperwork is finished. And now, it is time for me to wait. Wait for the bishop, stake president etc. But apparently I am really doing this.

Now off to another topic. Last week and this week I have been busily acting like nothing is different. And I will be teaching next year. I will have spent a total of 59 hours in a classroom. Learning and getting new ideas for teaching. The one I went to last week was non-grade specific and all about writing, and it gave me an outlet. The one I am at this week is one of my favorite things the state does, CORE Academy. The problem, it is grade specific and I am bored. I love 3rd grade, but there are science and math cores that I love more. . . can you guess. I miss the higher order thinking in 6th grade, and the in depth study of science topics. I REALLY miss it. If I would have been smart enough I would have asked if I could change grade levels. . . but I wasn't. Oh well, if nothing else it will show that I have an interest in increasing my knowledge about ways to teach.

I cried today. The first time in about 3 weeks I have cried about my job. I was talking to a good friend of mine, who went through school with me, and my job situation came up again. A newer friend of mine was there and she just had to mention that her sister was non-renewed and "It has never been the same for her." I just have to remember the Lord is on my side. That I am really trying to do His will. I will be blessed for going on a mission. And Satan wants me to be discouraged so I give up all together. I also have to remember I am not the only teacher in the state of Utah to loose their job.

Last of all. . . President Uchtdorf. I have fallen in LOVE with his Priesthood talk from April Conference. If you haven't read it I strongly suggest you do. I was listening to it on my long drive home and I fell in love again. To finish off my ramblings here are some gems from this talk:
"Patience means accepting that which cannot be changed and facing it with courage, grace, and faith. It means being 'willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon [us], even as a child doth submit to his father.' . . .if we wait patiently for the Lord, He will incline unto us. He will hear our cries."

"Every one of us is called to wait in our own way. We wait for answers to prayers. We wait for things which at the time may appear so right and so good to us that we can’t possibly imagine why Heavenly Father would delay the answer. . . The answer didn’t come immediately. But eventually I learned that God’s promises are not always fulfilled as quickly as or in the way we might hope; they come according to His timing and in His ways."

"Never give up on anyone. And that includes not giving up on yourself."

When Your Older. . .

There is a Fray song that I love called Trust Me. I used the lyrics for a Wordle that is on the right sidebar. This song has a line that repeats as it fades out-- "When your older you might understand." I was thinking about that line and what it means in my life right now. When I'm older I might understand: why I lost my job, why I'm not supposed to teach right now, why I am going on a mission. I don't think I am ever supposed to fully know and understand what is going on in my life and where it is going.
I am going on a mission. My papers should be completed by the end of the week. I should be getting my call sometime in July. This was a hard decision for me to make. I know it is the best one but it was hard nonetheless. And as my options for getting a new job decressed, I just felt as if I was led into this. I'm 28. I think that is what I am having the hardest time with. I know it is perfectly acceptable for a 28 year old girl to go on a mission. But, I still feel I am old. I have looked back on what has happened the last two months and I can see the Lord's hand in it. This is where he wants me. This is what he feels is best for me. And honestly, I wouldn't have done it if he just whispered, "Go on a mission." I needed to be pushed into something I never thought I would get the opportunity to do once I started my teaching career. So, I am just going to trust him. And when I am Older I might understand.