Okay so I am sitting here with the intentions that I will get my grades all ready to pass out tomorrow. Instead I am listening to Hairspray and writing here. I kind of need to unwind from the emotional experience I had last night between 10:30 and midnight. I also need to relax from the very busy day today. But these projects keep coming up in my list of things I need to take care of, and I really just don't want to deal with it. I feel so bad that I let it go so far. Also I feel bad that I can't get the things I want to do ready. I am guilt ridden today, and I know that is one of my major problems. I feel guilt about my personal life as well as my teaching life. Honestly, a lot of the time I feel that my teaching life is so much more successful than my personal life. But, they both seem to continue to fail every time I turn around or I finally feel comfortable with what I am doing. I still absolutely love what I am doing, and I still want to do it for as long as possible. However, I am a little frustrated at my lack of organization, my lack of time, and my lack of caring about the big things I spend all the time I have preparations on talking to other teachers, and walking from one end of the building to the other a million times because I really have no idea what I am doing. I've woken up late the past two days, I didn't realize how much I take for granted the time that I use when I come early to school. I really should get on those projects that need to be graded. But, I am tempted to leave and live my life, and not worry about school, but the thing is I will worry about school, just like while I am at school I worry about my personal life. I try so hard but I can't keep those to parts of my life separate.
Okay other thoughts, I started looking into MEd programs in the state. I came to the realization that I will have to take the GRE which I never thought I would take in my life. I also realized I need to get my school loans down and then worry about all of that. I really want that hood, I want that degree so badly. Which is good, because in the long run it will make me a much better teacher, it will also give me much more earning potential.
Lastly, I have the first major sign that hormones have hit my sixth graders. Two girls got into a fight today, and it was pretty bad, the two girls have been around each other so much lately and today was the breaking point for them. Hurray for six grade, and how much fun they are after Christmas. It is going to be a fun five months.
Now, that I have gotten all these random thoughts off my mind, I better take sometime on these projects that I don't want to do. But I will take care of it all right now.
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