Why I Teach

This has been a question I have been asking myself lately. Why am I a teacher? Is this really the job for me? I have a major fault when it comes to being a teacher and that is my temper. Anyone who has known me for any length of time would be able to say that I really let it get the best of me sometimes. It was a lot worst when I was growing up. But, I have learned to control it. There is another fault that ties right with this one, and that is I wear my emotions on my sleeve. So, you know when I am in a bad mood, a good mood, or I am indifferent.
These faults have made this year difficult for me. I have so many problems with my team and within my classroom that within the first few months I came off mean and not sympathetic. I think there are two reasons for this. I feel like I need to prove myself, and also because I don't know what to do half of the time.
So, over the past few weeks this temper has come to bite me. I found out that a couple of the boys in my class were doing things to make me mad and then they were recording me when I finally broke. The situation has been taken care of. Luckily for me I have two administrators who would like to see me succeed and do the best I can. I've tried to not loose the temper lately and to be happy and everything but you can only do that for so long. It is really hard when the two boys who were fighting on Friday, fight again on Monday. It really just wears on you. So, I was in a bad mood on Monday and I was mean again. As I watched a note being passed from one student to the other I went and got it and the one crumpled it up. I read it and it said, "Don't you just hate Miss. Duncan? She is so mean." "Yeah, you've just figured that out?" OUCH! But, I took it in stride. Just looked at them and said, "You really don't know me."
Fast Forward 24 hours. I had just returned to my classroom and I sat at my desk, looked at the mess and sighed. . . (It is a huge mess. Surprise, surprise.) Then I notice a note on my desk and there is a smiley face on it. I open it up and it is from one of the students who passed the note. Telling me she was sorry, but not really, because there are somethings that she doesn't like about the class and school. But then she told me one thing she does like, I let my students be themselves. And she has really come out of her shell because of it. And I will be one of her favorite teachers because of it.
Just that one note made it worth every tear I've shed this year, every moment I have fought with my team, and every bad day. That is why I am a teacher. To help my students become who they are meant to be.

When the Going Gets. . . .

Earlier this week I was thinking about the movie While you Were Sleeping. In one part the dad tells Jack that sometimes in your life everything is perfect and it is good. And then Jack informs his dad it wasn't that moment. I had exactly that. Everything seemed to be perfect and good, then I found out something that made it not that moment. But, just like the dad I was able to understand and move on and be happy about the changes happening. (Ok. Not really happy, but understanding.)
Even though things aren't exactly the way I would like them to be, I am content. Because I know things will workout the way they are supposed to and when they are supposed to. So, I guess to finish my little saying, it would be. "When the going gets content. The content takes over." Hmmm, doesn't make any sense but I think you get the picture.

My heart is breaking all over again. I just found out some information and let's just say it adds to the junk from the last three weeks. When I am trying to do what is right why does it seem nothing works out?

Life. . . or Something Like it

Well, my life right now is interesting. This experiment I have been doing on myself is what I thought it would be. HARD! And I am making things harder on myself than they need to be. I got a call from one of the Relief Society instructors in my ward and she asked me to teach on Sunday. "Welcome sisters, to the Allison show. One Sunday full of my musings." It is my fault. I should have said no, but I didn't want to. Humph!
Enough of that, I will let you know how it all goes. I am sure things are going to work out with that part of my life. It is also going to be fun. I really do enjoy being up front and teaching and speaking. So, it will just be another opportunity for me to do it.
Anyway, things with school aren't going well. I found out that some of the kids in my class are doing something that could get me fired if they really wanted to. And it is kind of disheartening/frustrating. I went to the temple yesterday just to get my mind clear and some perspective. And let's just say I got it. The first thing that keeps running through my mind is that some of these boys that are causing the problems are in "leadership" positions in the school. I told our intern principal that I think if they can't be positive leaders in the classroom they have no right to be leaders in the school. And he agreed. The next thing: I was thinking about scriptures and trying to get some inspiration about what I should do and a scripture popped into my head. "Be strong and of good courage, fear not nor be afraid of them. For the Lord thy God he it is that is with thee. He will not fail thee nor forsake thee." (Deut. 31:6) This scripture has been one of my favorites since high school. And as I thought it yesterday I knew I needed to read it. So, I did. When I read it I knew that no matter what. I am where I supposed to be, and doing the things I am supposed to be doing. I will be supported by the Lord and be able to face these things in my life. I just need to "be strong and of good courage." Today was a much better day, at least in the way I handled things. I just need to remember that I can do it and I can handle it.
Tomorrow we have a field trip and Monday there won't be kids at school. And Tuesday these boys are going to be taken care of. We'll see what happens.

The Experiment

These past few weeks have been pretty interesting and there is a reason why. I am actually really excited that things have happened the way they have. I was asked to speak in church on March 22 (that is this Sunday.) I actually LOVE speaking in church, and I think I am good at it. The biggest problem I had when I was asked to speak was the fact they asked me a MONTH ahead. (I shouldn't complain because my roommate is speaking on Mother's day and they have already asked her.) What I hate about having so much time is the talk never stays the same from what you wanted to say the first time you found out what the topic was. So, you wait until you are closer to the date so you can get what really is needed to be said.
On the first I sat in sacrament meeting thinking about my topic and what I wanted to say. When I first heard the topic I had a quote ring through my mind. I knew that the topic was meant for me and I knew what I wanted to say. I however, knowing how the spirit works, didn't get started on my talk. I decided I would wait until the week before to know what I wanted to say. Well, as I sat in sacrament the next week thinking about my topic and what I should say. I started to look up scriptures. I just had a thought. "I need to work on this in my life. So, I am going to make some changes in my habits and conduct an experiment." That is what I am doing. I am on week three of my experiment.
I don't think I will write my talk until Friday or Saturday. But, I have a pretty good idea what I am going to say. That my hypothesis is right. I don't want to say too much more about this. I might have to publish my talk so you can all understand everything. But, let me just tell you that during the past few weeks, things have been hard. Nothing has come easy to me. But, I am happy and at peace. I don't think things will ever be perfect, but at least I know I can handle it all.

Lent

I found out one of my students gave up fighting with me for Lent. I think that was the best sacrifice he could have made. We might just make it through the rest of the year.

Big Steps

Today I was looking at the Utah State website thinking about how much I want to go and get my MEd (Masters of Education.) And before I knew if I found the application and started to fill it out. I can't fill it out all the way until I take my GRE test and figure out who I can get letters of recommendation from. But, I am hoping I can have it all done so I can apply for Fall semester. Wow! I'm excited and I can't wait until I can actually get into the program.
But, I have one problem. . . I need to take the GRE, does anyone know where I can register for it and any studying materials that will work. . . this is the one thing that scares me half to death.