Twist and Turns

Sometimes life seems to be headed straight. Everything seems perfect and wonderful and you feel like you could keep going in that direction forever. That is how I thought my life was. Everything was going perfectly fine. I was teaching at a great school with a great team, a wonderful principal, good friends, and plans. Then the curve started. I can't really tell you what happened, at least not yet, and what is happening next. All I know is God has a different plan for me, at least for a while. Someday I hope to get to experience this whole life is the way I want when I want it to be that way, again. But now isn't the time.

By the way. . . anyone want a 2009 Toyota Corolla Sport? I'll take care of the recalls.

Austen, Conference and Other Thoughts

I'm Austen crazed. Again. Actually I was just thinking when did it ever stop? Never. I have fallen in love with the new BBC version of Emma. I have watched it everyday since my break started on Thursday. I will admit my watching of movies is doing something else while watching, but I have listened to it over and over again. Watching every minute Knightley is on the scene. I will admit right now. I want a Knightley in my life. My best friend who loves me no matter what, who will tell me when I am being foolish and help me feel better when I am sad. But, that isn't in God's plan for me right now. I just have to keep moving forward. Praying, trying my hardest to submit my will to His, and working on those things He feels is what I need in my life. Then, eventually, Knightley will come into my life and all have a whole new set of problems to deal with. For now I will just have to live through the Austen novels/movies that I have fallen in love with and have read forever.

Now on to Conference. I love this weekend. I love the feeling of peace, that often causes sleep. I love the talks. I love the answers. I love everything about sitting and listening to the prophets speak. How lucky we are! To have the will of the Lord given to us by His mouthpiece every 6 months. I had some questions that needed answering. And answered they were! Through out life's trials I need to remember how much my Heavenly Father loves me. One quote that I ALMOST missed and then my brain went, "WRITE THAT DOWN!" Was the answer. The comfort. The one thing I needed right now. It was, "A little pain now will protect you from greater pain later." -- James. B. Maratino. I thought about all the little pains I am having in my life right now. Feelings of failure in teaching and in being a student. Wondering if my life is going where it needs to go. Then I thought about this quote again and again and I realized that even though I have these little pains. In the long run it is what the Lord wants for me. It is His will, and it will protect me. Does it mean that everything will go exactly as I want it too? Absolutely not. But as long as I allow Heavenly Father to be at the helm in my life then I have nothing to fear.

Last other thoughts. There is a girl's choice dance coming up at the institute. Most of my friends are going and they want me to go too. Little do they now I lost all pleasure in dances 7 years ago. I don't want to take the time to find a date, to dress up. Actually, while it would be nice to go on a date I don't really feel a strong desire to. I took this question with me to conference about wanting to date and if it really is important. Needless to say the answer came in all the talks about family, and how important it is to teach your children. etc. Yeah, so dating is important. But I don't want to. Or maybe it comes to I lack in skills to get a date. But, it also is I just don't have the desire. I've felt this way before and I have gotten counsel on the fact I need to date. I guess the question I am posing for everyone out there is: How can a girl, who feels it is the boys responsibility to ask, get a date? Or even better get the motivation to flirt/date? Let me know what you think. Oh, and I am not going to the dance.

The Power of the Positive

I think a lot of people are too negative in this world. I think I am one of them. I am starting to learn how powerful kind word, a smile, a positive thought can be. I know I am 28. I should know this. . . but I am the first to admit being positive was never my thing. I went through high school depressed, and quite a bit of college too. I was fortunate enough 6 years ago to live with 2 of the most positive people I know. I know they had their bad days. I know they had days where being positive wasn't going to happen. But I know overall they were happy and being around them changed my outlook too. Over the last 6 years I have started to get this change. In the last 2 months I have realized how much it affects everything. I have been trying to raise my positive ratio in my classroom. As I have been doing this I have noticed a major change in behavior in the room. I have seen kids who I have struggled with all year SHINE! I have seen my classroom behavior SOAR! This morning I was at school at my normal time, but due to some circumstances I walked into my room after the bell had rung. My SmartBoard wasn't up. I wasn't in there. But I came into a room of 25 kids, ALL of them on time, with their notebooks out, working or at least starting to work, some were talking, but they were ALL sitting. I made sure I POURED the positives on them, in hopes that tomorrow it will work the same. In hopes that in two weeks it will be the same. I have noticed happier kids in the classroom. I have noticed a happier teacher. I really noticed this last night as I was talking to some of my friends and I knew I couldn't stop smiling. I noticed it this morning when I was getting some paper out of the workroom and ran into my principal and I just smiled and said, "I HAVE THE BEST CLASS!" Then his shocked look on his face. Being positive has made all the difference. I know this. I feel this. While it would have been great to figure it out when my roommates tried to teach me I am so happy I figured it out now at 28 instead of 40 years from now when it would be harder to change my character.

The Crazy Month is OVER!

Okay, so I am happy to have this month over. This month has had so many ups and downs I don't know what to think.
Some of it I can't tell you, but I will tell you I am moving through it and I will be a better person because of it. I am trying to rely more on My Heavenly Father and His Son. This I feel is the only way I can make it through the trials I am having in my life.
I'm now officially moved into my mom's house. I really have had a lot of mixed feeling about this. I know it is where I need to be and I know that it is what needs to happen. I am starting to see a possible reason for why, but I am sure that isn't the only reason. I know that things will work out as long as I have faith in the Lord.

Last of all. My birthday. I've been waiting for my sister to post about it, and it hasn't happened. If you don't know, my niece has the same birthday as me. She turned 2, and I turned 28. We went to Hardware Ranch to see the elk for the day. As we were walking down to get on the sled I was walking with her and I started to train her to know it is my birthday as well as her's. I got this conversation started with her (it took training, but it was really cute)
M: "Is it your birthday?"
K: "YES!"
M: "Is it my birthday?"
K: "YES!"
M: "Is it Mama's birthday?"
K: "No, not Mama's birthday."
M: "Is it Daddy's birthday?"
K: "No, not Daddy's birthday."
M: "Is it Parker's birthday?"
K: "No, not Parker's birthday."

I got her doing that the whole day. My favorite part, was giving her a hug and saying Happy Birthday. Then she said it back! I was so excited. I may have to train her again. But, someday she will never forget.

Basically, the month is over. I am looking forward to March and getting through everything.

One Month

I have made a decision that I am not too happy with but I know it is the best. I am moving back home. 20 minutes away from every other aspect of my life. But about 3/4 cheaper than where I am living now. I'm so grateful to my mom and her willingness to let me sleep in her house. . . because, honestly, that is about all I will be doing. But, I am going to miss being in the center of everything, at least the center of my life. I have to keep reminding myself, it is temporary. Hopefully, I will be back to the center in June.
I still have one month to get used to the idea, I have one month to pack up five years of my life. I have one month to get used to the fact I will be driving 20 minutes to get to work everyday. I have one month to remember it is all for the best. I have one month to decide what is necessary for me to unpack. One month to let my roommate know all the stuff I bought when I moved in is going with me. One month, and I will be 28 and living with my mom. I thought this January was hard. . . February is going to be hard but for VERY different reasons.

You've Got To Be Kidding Me!

So this may be long. . . but I think the whole situation is actually kind of funny/ flattering. It has nothing to do with dating, so don't get your hopes up.
Background information is needed: I am in the 3rd year of teaching. That means I go from a level 1 license to a level 2. I go from provisional to I guess you could call it tenured (I don't know if that is really the right way to say it.) I have to have a mentor come into my classroom on a very regular basis. My first year every week, second year every other week, and third year once a month. Along with the mentor coming in I also have to have 2 observations a year, pass the Praxis test, and make a portfolio, pay a whole lot of money, have my fingerprints and background check done again.
What I have done, my mentor has been coming in. I have had 5 out of 6 observations with my 6th one scheduled for the end of the month. I passed the Praxis PLT with flying colors. I just need to get my portfolio finished, fingerprints, background check and pay a whole lot of money.
I can't really fork over the money until everything else is good to go. So, I am working on my portfolio.
In November I had started an electronic portfolio. I really want to get this right so in December I had my mentor look it over. She thought it was great. OK, good. I can do this. (All I had done was make a folder labeled Portfolio, then I put folders for my artifacts. It was pretty simple and basic.) She then told HR what I was doing. Now the HR director is interested and wants to see it. I emailed him yesterday and let him know I was willing to let him look at it. When he emailed me back he kind of hinted that he was expecting my portfolio to be a PowerPoint. Instead of planning for my day tomorrow I spent the whole afternoon (2 hours) putting the portfolio in a PowerPoint. (Actually, I am more excited about it now than I was before.) I figured since I was getting that all prepared, I might as well just finish the whole thing. I am only missing a few artifacts that HR will have taken out if they end up showing all the 1st,2nd,and 3rd year teachers. . . Oh wait, did I forget to tell you something. . . Yes, HR has some workshops for EYE (Entry Year Experience) teachers, and the next one is about portfolios. They may take a few moments and share with the other teachers in the district that electronic portfolios are a good choice, and use mine as an example.
I'm not sure right now what the verdict will be. I am sure HR will tell me by tomorrow. I'm also not sure what part I will play in all of this. I'm finding this a little flattering that this would be such a big deal. I'll keep you updated.

Some Thoughts on Teaching and Life in General.

Over my break I read Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen, again. I found this quote, and I realized how true it is to my life as a teacher.

"You think me foolish to call instruction a torment, but if you had been as much used as myself to hear poor little children first learning their letters and then learning to spell, if you had ever seen how stupid they can be for a whole morning together, and how tired my poor mother is at the end of it, as I am in the habit of seeing almost every day of my life at home, you would allow that to 'torment' and to 'instruct' might sometimes be used as synonimous words."
--Catherine Morland

Sometimes we make instruction, torment. It isn't just a torment for the students though. I have found moments of torment while teaching and waiting for students to answer a question or to become lively. What can I do to make it less of a torment? I have no idea. I just have to think about it and stop tormenting my students and instruct them.

Now Life. December came and went too quickly. I really have no idea where the time went. I taught every weekday until the 22nd. Then I went to my mom's on the 23rd and spent the whole weekend at her house. I LOVED seeing my family. Everyone was there on the 26th. My favorite part of the day was sitting up with my two nephews (aged 18 and 17) and talking about life. It was just fun. I don't get to do that very often.

Anyway, the old year left with a party and just watching movies with a friend. Then the new year came in with a mouse in my ceiling. I also poked a hole with my finger in that ceiling. I had a make shift patch and I didn't sleep for 3 days. (Part of that was due to the fact that I was the only one home for 2 of those days.) Also, the unavoidable was approaching. I was getting ready to go back to school. Not only teaching school, but learning school. I started my MEd (Masters of Education) yesterday. Right now, I LOVE one class, and will tolerate the other. It is going to be an interesting ride the next few years. I am excited to do this.

Here is the best story of them all. Somehow in my class today we were talking about my birthday and how old I am. The conversation went something like this:
G: How old are you Miss. Duncan
MD: 27 I'll be 28 on my birthday.
M: You're 27! And NO guy had EVER proposed to you?
MD: I know. That is really sad isn't it?

I better get working on that proposal. Heaven forbid I reach 29 and never be proposed to!